I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
