its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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