4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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