I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They have beer where we have blood.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
