Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
