I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
