If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
