Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
