you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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