i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
