you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
