So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize