Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
