The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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