And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
