actually, I'm a sock model
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
