Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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