6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
