There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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