Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
