I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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