The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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