what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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