I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
