this boner is exhausting
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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