so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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