Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
