Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize