he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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