I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
