my vag is so smooth its legendary
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
