We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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