found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize