i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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