quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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