Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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