he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
