Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
