I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
