Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
