tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
