it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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