I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
