yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
