both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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