I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
