I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
