I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
