i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
