nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
