what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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