Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
