do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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