Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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