My sheets look like a crime scene.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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