Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sober January is a disaster.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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