My Higher Power is John Stamos
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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