he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
