So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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