I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
