I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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