My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
