Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
