Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
