Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
