When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
