My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
