Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My vagina is officially offended.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
