did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
