I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
