I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
