tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
