It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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