you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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