You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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