if i can run in heels then i can drive
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
