Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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