would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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