How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
